Today is the day, Reckless Mind is live on Amazon (for Kindle) and Barnes and Noble (for Nook)!! The is the 1st book in my New Adult series, Reckless, and is intended for readers 17+ due to language and content. Enjoy!!!
In anticipation of the release of Reckless Mind, I thought I would release the prologue to
the book early just to get everyone's taste buds watering :)
Reckless Mind is my first New Adult novel and it releases in 3 weeks. It can be read as a standalone, but will be the first book of the the Reckless series, and as of right now I am looking at 3 books to complete the series. The characters you meet in the first book are the characters you will see throughout the entire series, but each book will focus on a different person specifically. The first book, Reckless Mind, focuses on Kahlen Jourdan. (Check out previous post for blurb and cover!!!!)
Here you go, ENJOY!!!
Looking through the
cold water covering my head in the deep round bath sitting in the
middle of the room, my body long since trained not to struggle, I no
longer responded. Eight small cracks covered the peeling eggshell
colored ceiling. One semi large spider hung in a corner. My lungs
ached, I fought against it. Dim moonlight came in through the parted
curtains blowing ever so slightly with the summer breeze coming in
the window. This wasn't my first, or twentieth, time in this
position. I used to think my life would end this way, or another
equally tragic scenario, at the hands of people who should love me.
I had long since
removed my heart from everything involving my life. All I experienced
and saw love be was an excuse to receive forgiveness for words
cutting across wrists like knives, for hands that leaving marks
behind dusting the skin in various shades of black, for meaningless
relationships paraded around to break a heart, and unspeakable
actions surely meant to break the mind. But as long as the words I'm
sorry were uttered all was to be
Today I'd leave the
bullshit behind, start my new life. Bringing my head above water I
pulled in gasped breaths through my mouth quietly, cloudy vision
began to right itself. I didn't deserve to breathe, or so I was told,
my mere existence ruined lives. How many lives I'm not sure. It
seemed only theirs, but then again I didn't let anyone close enough
to me to be certain.
They didn't know I'd
leave or where I'd go. No number or address would be left behind on
the pristine fake marble counter in their precious kitchen, I
wouldn't take a single piece of clothing or shoes they ever
begrudgingly gave me. I'd had a job for the last year and a half,
secretly saving money. They never knew because that would involve
caring about something other than what I could get them. To them I
equaled a monthly paycheck, a flaunted pawn used in obtaining
in my life wanted something from me. Everyone. If I couldn't provide
what they deemed necessity I was punished, scars and memories mark my
body and mind making sure I never forgot what love
would do to me.
I didn't speak to
the people I was forced to live with, even if I did it would fall on
deaf ears. Friends were easy to come by in high school, but I played
a role. I gave them what they wanted to see on the outside. Hanging
out at football and basketball games, talking in school, but that's
where it ended. No one ever came to my house, no one knew the real
me. Guys tried to date me, they flirted, and I was well informed of
certain touches and actions to make a man want me. Sometimes I found
myself doing these things out of habit to the boys in school, but
nothing progressed. They'd call me a tease, I'd roll my eyes and tell
them they were stupid to think I'd ever want them in the first place.
night I'd cry myself to sleep because I did, I did want them. Not any
specifically, but I wanted even one person to want me for me. Only I
didn't know who I was, not really, and I still didn't. That's why I
was moving across the country. I needed to find myself, figure out
who I was, and work through my shit. Old habits have to be broken,
and for fucks sake, I needed to try to be a person worthy of someone
actually giving a shit about me.
I hear old habits
are hard to break.
Three thirty in the
morning, I throw on black skinny jeans, a grey oversized shirt, and
flip flops. My bags have been packed for weeks, I pulled the two
small duffles out from under my bed. The cab would be here in five
minutes, my plane ticket tucked into my back pocket.
Silently I tip toed
down the stairs and out the front door, mentally flipping the whole
place off. Not a single tear ran down my face as I walked away from
the house that was a prison instead of a home. And so I repeated to
myself the same thing I had been since I decided to leave.
I will be releasing my first New Adult novel, Reckless Mind, in 3 weeks!!! I have been working on this book while working on the follow-up to my YA book series, and have decided to release Reckless Mind first :) Below is the blurb and cover photo for Reckless Mind!!!!
Kahlen grew up seeing the delusional, dark,
and unspeakable acts people did all in the name of love. It caused her
to remove her emotions from life years ago because it was the only way
for her to survive. Love didn't exist, didn't have a place, not in her life.
Running from her past, she went away to college. What she didn't
expect was for it to shake her world. Everything she believed for so
long...don't trust anyone, people always want something from you, and
never ever fall in love...all are put to the test. The guards and walls
she thought were rock solid, to keep anyone from questioning her past,
began to disintegrate right in front of her. She doesn't know if she can
trust anyone completely to let them in. Having an undeniable
pull toward a guy she barely knows, his tortured eyes reflect her dark
soul, was not part of the plan. Will she learn to trust and believe in
herself more than she ever thought possible...enough to chose a
different path than the one she always believed she was destined for?
Very few things in life she was certain of...her name was Kahlen
Jourdan, she was eighteen, her mind was reckless and royally messed up,
and she would get her shit together. But she would never fall in love.
***SPOILER: you should read Darkness Calls (book #1 in the Blood Secret series) before you read any of the chapters for Against the Light that are on the blog***
Shaking my head, I cleared the thoughts bouncing around
frantically. “What made him change his mind? We both know how he
gets when his mind is set on something, and I don't see this as
something he would easily cave on.”
“Well that's the thing. I have a friend who knows the
young healer here in Seraphrost,” he began, but I was sure I
“Chicago you mean?”
“Nope. Surprise,” he said cautiously. “Welcome to
Seraphrost.” He smiled, but it was strained. I couldn't make
anything out over the last week from, what looked like, the inside of
a psych ward room. I assumed I was in Chicago where I should be
living. The dark curtains were drawn down over the one window in the
room that sat way up by the ceiling. My curiosity spiked in spite of
not wanting to be here.
“Right. We'll get to that I guess?” He nodded and
continued answering my first question.
“So the young healer...I kind of had her do me a favor
and slip your dad something in his dinner last night to knock him out
for awhile so I could come in here.” Cam's eyes searched mine
wearily, and I burst out laughing. “I don't know what you think is
so funny, he's gonna be pissed if he finds out.”
Laughing felt good. Normal. Something I had missed in my
life recently. The barrier that naturally went up after everything
with Jesse started to slip gradually, but as soon as I sensed the
change I slammed the brick wall back up. Emotions made people weak
and got people hurt.
“Ari, you were slipping and fast. No one believed our
bond was strong enough to put you through seeing me, but I knew
better. They can crucify me for all I care, but I couldn't wait
around any longer when I knew they weren't doing anything to actually
Cam maneuvered his hand inside the blanket, and his
fingertips rolled over the skin at the bottom of my back tracing
small circular patterns.
“Cam,” I leaned away from his touch, and the pain
etched in lines surrounding his eyes pulled at my fractured soul, but
I couldn't give in. “This isn't going to happen. Ever.”
“That's not why I'm here.” His hand receded from my
skin and he wrapped the blanket tightly back in place.
“You say it isn't, but we both know otherwise. Look,
everyone in my life lied to me, kept me in the dark and put my life
at risk.” Darkness provoked me, hooked its dark claws into every
pore of my body dripping itself into me. “Shit happened and it
changed me more than I want to admit or talk about right now. I want
to forget, Cam. Whatever I have to do to get back in school for my
senior year and just move on...I'll do what I have to,” those last
words escaped my lips as a promise.
“Then that's what we'll do.” The pause seemed
to put substantial space between us. “Ari, you have to know I
wasn't allowed to tell you anything. I didn't think I could do
anything other than what I had. Yes, I should have tried to figure
something out sooner, I get that now. But,” pools of blue sky urged
me to understand. “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, and now you
know what I literally couldn't speak about before so there will never
be secrets between us again.”
I wanted to tell him he was right, take his hand in
mine, look deep in his eyes and reassure him that I would be fine,
that I wasn't losing my mind. He knew though, knew I couldn't say
those things because they weren't true, not anymore. Cam just lowered
his head and slowly shook it in disappointment.
“ Right. Well, I know your dad has some people he
wants you to meet here, then I'm sure you two can sit down and figure
something out.” A sarcastic laugh came out louder than I
anticipated. Cam expected miracles if he thought my dad would give
two hoots about what I wanted for my life.
“Yeah, we'll see.” My gaze moved back to the chair
in the corner and I saw clothes there. Suddenly I wanted nothing more
than to get out of this bed and take an actual shower.
“I had some help, but I knew you'd want to shower and
clean up the second you,” he stopped short not knowing how to
“The second I what, Cam? Woke up to my old self
again?” My eyes narrowed on his. That thought made me laugh even
harder. I wasn't the same warm hearted, wanting to spend all my time
with my best friend, get good grades, good girl as before. That ship
sailed along with the innocence I lost over the summer.
“No, I just thought you'd want to get dressed, go out
and about...thought I could show you around Seraphrost.” One thing
I'd never deny is that smile, the one he reserved specifically for me
because he knew it made my heart race and my knees weak. Even though
I felt less like myself than ever before, his smile had the effect he
was hoping it would.
“I'll let you show me around Seraphrost if you promise
not to leave my side when I confront my dad. You have to tell him you
think it's the right thing to do, for me and you to go back to
school. Finish our senior year, that you'll be there every step of
the way to protect me and see that I don't die.”
“Um, yeah, I mean...obviously I'd stay with you and
protect you,” he eyes searched mine like he wanted to say more, but
I cut in before he could.
“Because that's your job, Cam. To protect me and
nothing else.” I walked past him into the bathroom and started the
shower. Ridding myself of the gown I'd probably had on since arriving
felt amazing. Bruises were lined all along my arms and down by my
ankles. Considering how often the nurses had to strap me down it
surprised me I didn't look worse.
The scalding water should have burned my skin, but I
barely felt the warmth. I closed my eyes envisioning the heat and
soap washing away all the blood from my hands and the darkness
staining my soul.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I tried to let go of
those horrible pictures stuck in my mind of my last moments with
Jesse. When it stopped working I called on darkness to bring a sense
of him. In it I was closer to him. People lied to me my whole life,
my life was at stake, and I was a Collector. Any one of those things
would change a person tremendously, but have all three happening at
the same time and it's no coincidence I'm a different girl than
I walked into the room in my towel to have a little fun
with Cam and get out of my head for a while. His eyes about bugged
out of his head when he saw me. The towel was big enough to wrap
around me, and it covered all the important parts, just not much
else. Usually my face turned an embarrassing shade of red, this time
his did the honors.
My eyes lingered on Cam as I walked past heading to the
chair where the clothes sat. Lust emitted from him as he moved to
stand behind me. Strong, warm arms circled my waist, pulling me back
against him so I was flush against his chest. My hair swept off my
shoulder as his fingertips brushed my skin, and the smell of sunshine
on a warm summer morning engulfed me.
My head rolled to the side, his lips met my skin. Soft
and gentle they caressed the length of my neck from my shoulder up to
my jaw. Turning quickly, my chest pressed into his. Magically the
towel fell to the floor, and a mischievous grin fell on my lips.
Cam's eyes dropped slightly, but there wasn't much to see since we
were pressed tightly together.
His hands started at my bare shoulders and made their
way down my exposed back, goosebumps marked my flesh with the effect
Cam had on me, and his lips came within centimeters of mine. I called
darkness, winding it around his eyes like a blindfold as I snaked my
way out of his grasp.
“That was fun,” I laughed, prancing for the bathroom
with my clothes in my hand.
This manipulating darkness to get what I want wasn't so
bad. I used to feel the Guardian's light within me, but a connection
to the shadows was my present. Whether by choice, a subconscious
decision to link myself to Jesse, or by evolution of what I needed to
keep myself alive, I wasn't sure.
I threw on my gray skinnies, a white tank with a loose
fitting black tank vest over it, and my well loved high tops. My hair
hung in super loose beachy waves down my back, but I didn't have the
means to do anything to it right this moment, so I headed back out to
the room. Cam sat on the end of the bed waiting for me.
He sauntered over to me, eyes locked on mine. I took a
couple steps back, surprised by the intense sexy smoulder in his eyes
making my legs want a mind of their own. He followed until he was
inches in front of me. My arms hung down at my sides but I couldn't
break the hold his gaze had on me. Cam linked his fingers with mine,
walking me back until I felt the cool wall touch my skin.
Cam deliberately lifted my hands up the wall at a minute
pace. Warm breath caressed my cheek, his mouth moved to the corner of
my lips, but didn't touch me. Both my hands were locked in one of his
as his free hand made its way down the length of my torso scantily
touching areas he never dared to before.
His lips hovered over mine now, my pulse began to speed
up as his tongue traced my bottom lip. My hands were no longer held
by his but they didn't move. One of his hands grabbed my hip tightly
pressing me into him, while the other tangled in the hair at the base
of my neck. Anticipation of his lips on mine grew, I was at a
breaking point. My hands wound around his neck, and he eliminated any
area of space between every millimeter of our bodies.
And then he let me go, walked toward the door, and moved
to leave me in the room alone. He took all the heat from my body with
him, my breath left me behind to follow him, and my heart beat faster
remembering the places his hands just touched.
I grabbed his wrist turning him around to face me. “What
the hell was,” I was flailing my hands all around in front of
myself. “That?” I demanded, pointing with aggression back
to where we had stood seconds before.
“You know what. That little stunt you just pulled,
A sultry smirk played across his lips as he looked at me
with hooded eyes. “If you want to play games Ari, I can play games.
Don't think for one second I don't know what's going on with you
because I do. But if you want to use the darkness to try and toy with
me, or make yourself feel better, or whatever other reason you can
get yourself to believe is good enough, then by all means, I'll use
the lust and the want you have for me deep down. Notice I don't have
to use something I'm not against you, like you using the darkness.
I'm pulling your true emotions out of you. Too bad you can't say the
same for yourself.”
“Oh piss off, Cam. I can do what I want whether you
like it or not.” I leveled him with daggers shooting out of my
“And I will take advantage of your new found bad girl
persona whenever you want to let it loose on me. Making you hot,
knowing you want me,” he stepped right to me wrapping his arms
around my waist as his voice dropped low, warm breath caressing my
cheek. “Knowing I can turn you inside out in ways you could never
imagine,” his lips were at my ear making me feel every word
throughout my entire body. “I'm more than happy to play along and
give you whatever you need.” Pulling back he winked at me, giving
me a heartbreakingly gorgeous smile.
If I wasn't careful I was going to get into some serious
trouble. I honestly didn't know what I was doing. I knew the light
and goodness in me wasn't as strong as it used to be, and therefore
the darkness stepped in and filled the void. But, I would never be
like the Watchers in Andaemon. Bottom line, I'd begun to get
comfortable in my hybrid-blooded self.
Growing uncomfortable under Cam's gaze, I shifted my
eyes away breaking the hold.
“Let's go and see Seraphrost,” he said with a smile
lighting up his entire face, and he took my hand. I yanked it away
shooting a glare in his direction but he didn't care, he just
chuckled and took it again. This side of Cam, this confident,
physical, expressing his want for me side caught me off guard.
“You keep this crap up Cam and I'm going to unleash
darkness in droves.”
“And I'll be right here with the light to bring you
back from the dark side.” He was serious now. “Always and
I rolled my eyes at him, smacking his arm as we left the
room. One nurse tried to stop us, telling Cam she was calling my dad
immediately, but he waved her off and kept walking. There were
obviously things he wanted to show me before we were chastised by my
dad, so Cam kept moving not giving the nurse a second glance.
Here is chapter 2 from Against the Light! SPOILER...do not read of you have not read Darkness Calls, the first book in the Blood Secret book series!!!
Let me know what youthink!!! Thanks for reading & keep checking back for more teasers & another chapter release before Against the Light comes out in January 2014!
hands smacked down onto his chest as I fisted his shirt in my hands. “You can't
leave me...you...can't.” There was a whooshing sound in my ears, my heartbeat
raced threatening to drown me in darkness. “Please, Jesse.” I begged him to
come back to me. All my light, my darkness, my life essence that coursed
through me was doing nothing to save him.
grabbed me around my waist from behind, dragging me away from Jesse. I kicked,
thrashing my body like a wild animal to release myself from the grasp. I had to
get back to him, I had to keep trying.
you have to stop.” Cam's light cascaded over me, calming me, chasing the
shadows into remission. “You can't save him, you've never been able to save
sobs escaped my throat, my body convulsed with the realization of what I did. I
let out a scream full of torment and agony, I was sure I released the actual
heart and soul that lay broken inside me onto the concrete next to Jesse. I
pushed at Cam's hands for release, tried crawling to Jesse's side once again,
as pain lanced throughout my body.
“What the,” the
heartbeat thrumming in the warm body I used as a pillow vanished from under my
cheek. Barely audible words reached my ears over the hell raising scream
echoing throughout my room.
tried to block the inconceivable decible causing my ears to ring, but warm
fingers quickly fixed my wrists making them unable to move on command. Chords
and veins strained my neck, my voice struggled and strangled out of my burning
throat, causing my body to buckle and raise off the bed.Hands scorched the skin on either side of my stomach
attempting to restrain me.
“What did you do to her?” A woman's voice
questioned through the shrill pitch consuming the room.
off of her! You can't hold her down like that,” another unfamiliar shout rang
out laced with panic.
do whatever the hell I think is best for her,” the familiar tone wasn't the one
I knew like the back of my hand, the one that made my skin feel like sunshine
touched it with every word. The bite apparent there didn't lessen because the
horrendous screaming continued. “If you're smart you'll turn around and walk
right out and not come back.”
one of the women started.
The authority pulled me out of my nightmare, and the uncontrollable screeching
finally stopped. My eyelids opened lazily, and guarded crystal blue peered
back. They weren't the eyes I longed to see. Anger flared deep down in me from
being pinned down like an animal trying to be caged. I gathered darkness
allowing it to coil inside me like a snake ready to strike.
off me, I sent to him with no response, no movement, no change in the
weight immobilizing me.
lurked behind him rising like cigarette smoke. Part of me enjoyed his
obliviousness, and a smirk reveled across my lips as the hair on his arms stood
up, goosebumps braking out across his flesh.
kicked in when darkness came calling. Every cell in the body wanted to react by
running and never looking back. Flight over fight kept people, and angels,
alive. Even strong Guardians knew deep down in their souls darkness wasn't to
be taken lightly.
my name rang out as a warning.
wrapped around Cam's torso ripping him off me with ease. His mouth hung slack,
words escaping him, as his back was pinned against the padded white wall.
“What?” I snapped. “I told you to get off me,” I reminded him as the strength
the shadows left thrummed through my veins.
were freaking out!” He gave an exasperated look, eyes moving between the
tendrils holding him to the wall and me. I had mere seconds before he used his
light to free himself.
fine.” Rolling my eyes I pulled the inky darkness away from him. His glare
raked over me tentatively, looking at me like I'd grown two heads. “I don't
know why you're looking at me that way. Your eyes look like they're about to
bug out of your head.” I shouldn't be snippy. Cam wasn't hurting me he was
trying to help, but I honestly wanted to be left alone.
arm stretched above my head and I felt the soreness in my muscles setting in
from tensing against Cam. I fell back to the bed as my body screamed to let it
knock back out for another twelve hours.
the nightmare I had hit me like a ton of bricks. Panic surged through my body
reminding me breathing was a luxury I could not afford to lose. The tingling
sensation started in my fingertips, quickly spread to my chest, legs, and lips.
It was mid-August and assumably warm out, but shakes wracked me to my core. I
might as well have been naked outside in Chicago in the dead of winter. My
teeth slammed together repeatedly with no end in the foreseeable future.
Jesse. Jesse is dead.
flew back to the bed after yanking an extra comforter from the chair in the
corner of the room. He fervently wrapped it around me, and climbed back in bed
pulling me to his chest. A calm secure sensation draped over me like an
affectionate embrace, and gradually I stopped shaking. The feeling returned to
the rest of my body leaving me able to take the full breath my lungs begged to
broken, Cam,” my voice came out hoarse, barely above a whisper, and I didn't
know if it was from screaming before or the raw emotion of losing someone I
loved. The other day I overheard the healers discussing the repercussion of my
wailing fits. If I couldn't get them to stop I'd permanently ruin my vocal
chords, but I didn't understand how to control it since it primarily happened
in my sleep. “There isn't even any point in trying.”
hell there isn't. I love you and I'll be damned if I let you or your dad try to
tell me I can't or am not allowed to help you.” His tone was low and serious
which only lent to somber conversation, and I wasn't in the mood.
I'm not doing this with you right now.”
when do you give up, huh?” Eyes as blue as the Koro Sea bore into mine
searching for answers I didn't have. “We are figuring this out. I'm not going
another day with you stuck in this bed leaving me to worry that I'm going to
voice cracked, and he turned his head to hide the tears welling in the pool of
emotion there, but I saw them. He raked his unsteady hand through golden hair
that had grown longer than normal. He cleared his throat, “I'm not losing you.”
Not looking in my direction, he made his way to the bathroom leaving me alone
on the bed.
missed Jesse a crazy amount, but Cam was right. I had to pull myself out of
this downward spiral to never ending darkness whatever way I could or I was
going to end up dead. The latch on the bathroom door clicked and Cam eased his
way back across the room. He thought he could be the glue to hold me together.
I'd never be whole again, but maybe he would make me as close as I'd get.
do you feel?” Standing at the side of the bed, his hands linked up behind his
head leaving the skin above his low slung jeans showing. A tug at the center of
my heart, that would've made my legs give out had I been standing, startled me.
I recognized the feeling, my light wanted Cam, and he was doing everything to
coax it out inside me.
can't. I mentally and physically...just...can't.
from killing someone,” animosity covered my tone like a bitter sauce. “And
sounding like a croaking frog, you mean?”
let my comment go without a word. After climbing back in bed next to me, Cam
put his arm around my shoulders and I instinctively leaned into him even though
I tried my damnedest not to give in. “Your dad didn't want to let me in here ya
know...said he didn't care what I thought the bond between us could do
to help you. He only wants me near you to protect you and nothing else.”
rolled my eyes. The strain on the relationship between me and my dad increased
over the last few years. The intention behind everything he had done was good,
but it didn't change the fact that it left me feeling like we wouldn't ever be
able to trust the other again. He should have told me I was an angel, should
have let me know the blood running through my veins could get me killed.
left me to believe my mom was dead. Readied me to be able to fight and protect
myself, but provided me with no information about who I was, and why angels of
darkness, the Watchers, were hunting me after he was abducted by Jesse's uncle,
Dal. Luckily Dal was dead, but the real problem was who he got his orders from,
and everyone knew it was only a matter of time before Azrael came for me.
Here is a new teaser from Against the Light, book 2 in the Blood Secret series. Don't forget to check back on the blog tomorrow because I will be releasing ALL of chapter 2 :)
"Scooping me up, he
crashed my body to his, breathing me in. My body and my light reacted
to him like a person drowning who finally received a breath of air to
keep them alive. Strong hands moved up to my face, and his lips
found my own. I was his oxygen and he took me in deep. His tongue
glided across my bottom lip and he bit it lightly getting me to open
for him. He gently tugged my hair moving my face in such a way that
let him consume me."